On a summer night in 2003, Pete Bombaci was at a friend’s place when a massive blackout hit eastern North America. He watched as his friend’s neighbours spilled onto their front porches to chat and check in.
The founder of the human connection movement GenWell remembers walking outside and assuming everyone already knew each other. “They all looked at me and said, 'but we don’t know each other'’” he recalls. “It hit me that we’re incredible during times of crisis. We drop everything to help each other, and then we just go back to our old routines.”
Two decades later, in a post-pandemic and more digital world, making meaningful human connection continues to be a growing challenge.
It’s so much so that it’s a driving force for GenWell and similar organizations like BCLC that believe in human connection. Close to half of adults in B.C. have reported being lonely and the World Health Organization has declared loneliness a worldwide epidemic.
But why does human connection matter so much? And how can we make sure we’re experiencing it?
What is human connection?
Human connection isn’t just “being around people” or having a long contact list. It’s the web of relationships and interactions that make us feel seen, valued and supported. As Pete puts it, it’s “the collective of every type of interaction that we can have as a human being,” from casual chats with strangers to the bonds we share with our birth family or chosen family.
According to Dr. Kiffer Card, a social epidemiologist who studies how our relationships shape our health, what makes for deeper, more meaningful human connection is about how your relationships function in your life and having people you can truly turn to (during good times and the not-so-good ones).
“One of the best ways to assess your social world,” he says, “is to ask yourself, ‘if I’m going through a hard time, who will I talk to? If I want to celebrate something, who will I share that with? If you can’t name enough people, that’s a sign your social needs may not be getting met.”
On the other hand, if you do feel safe being your authentic self with at least a few people, you’re experiencing the kind of human connection that comes with big benefits.
How human connection impacts health
Human connection is about more than just “being social.” It’s as fundamental to long term health as moving your body or eating well. “Humans are social animals,” Kiffer says. “We require social connection to be well. When our social relationships aren’t good, the conditions for health and happiness just don’t exist in our lives.”
Kiffer adds that our social lives are hard wired into our bodies. When we’re lonely or cut off from others, our brain reads it as danger and flips on the same stress system used for fight-or flight.
“When a person is lonely, that stress response is activated,” he explains. “If that goes on for a long time, it dysregulates your system, your metabolism, your inflammatory responses, and we see strong associations with cardiovascular disease, dementia, cancers and more.”
If you still have any doubts about how serious that is, Kiffer and Pete both point to landmark research that suggests chronic loneliness has a health impact comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
On the flip side, building strong human connections can be transformative. “When we build healthy connection habits, it’s a major contributor to our overall happiness in life,” Pete says. “It reduces anxiety and depression, strengthens our immune system and boosts self-confidence.”
Why can it be so hard to build human connection?
Despite it being so obviously important, many people in B.C. still feel alone. About half of British Columbians feel lonely at least some of the time.
There are plenty of reasons. Our work lives have expanded into evenings and weekends. Kiffer adds that our social networks change over time. Friends move away, relationships end, jobs change. And while technology can be a tool to connect, it can also be a trap, keeping us from those “IRL” interactions that are deeper and more meaningful than an occasional text.
The reality is that loneliness is a common human experience, but one we’re still hesitant to talk about. When it does show up, many people blame themselves. “Feeling lonely is a normal human emotion,” Pete stresses. “It’s not a character flaw. It’s like being hungry or thirsty. It’s your brain and body saying, ‘hey, you need connection.’”
Making meaningful human connections
If building better human connections feels big, both experts insist the path forward is surprisingly simple.
“It starts with you,” says Pete. “Whether it’s saying hello to a neighbour, talking to someone in line at the coffee shop, or checking in on a colleague you don’t know well – those little actions, repeated across millions of people, will change our homes, our workplaces, our streets and our communities.”
And even in a world that can feel disconnected at times, Kiffer encourages people to remain optimistic, because human connection is built into who we are.
“Most of your brain exists to navigate your social world,” he says. “It is fundamental to being human. Once we start talking about it and prioritizing it, I’m confident we’ll figure out how to make social connection work, even in a complex world.”
Learn more about BCLC’s social purpose and the BCLC Human Connection Project.
